Funny Dirty Jokes

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s*x. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about s*x so she makes up an answer.

“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

---Teacher and her 3 boy students:

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”

Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”

Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…

Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”

---Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that 
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round 
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

---Boy: Let’s play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do we play?

Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say “Redlight” when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay 

*Few seconds later*

Girl: Redlight!!!
Boy: Firetrucks don’t stop for redlights 

3 Funniest Dirty Jokes Hidden in Animated Kid’s Films

1. The Rugrats Movie: Slice of Life

Easily the most disturbing circumcision joke ever worked into a kid’s movie.

2. A Bug’s Life: Pollination Nation

A couple of drunken flies try to see some entertainment at P.T. Flea’s Circus and one of them ends up hitting on Francis the ladybug with the most disturbing pickup line of all time.

3. Tarzan: Alone Time

Jane is drawing Tarzan and begins to comment on his intense eyes. Her dad can sense her mood changing, and nails what appears to be the first masturbation joke in Disney movie history.

10 Dirty Jokes with photo

#1 Judy, A Cheerful Hare Police Officer, Is Counting The Fine Nick The Fox Is Going To Pay. After Voicing The Sum, She Adds, "I Mean, I Am Just A Dumb Bunny, But We Are Good At Multiplying"

5 Best Dirty Jokes (with photos)

#1 I Was An Accident Too

2 Dirty Jokes

1~ Dirty Seniors
An 80yr old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40 mins they shagged like Bast*rds. Arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor. Christ she said “you didnt F*ck Me like that 50yrs ago! To which the old man replied “50 yrs ago that fence Wasnt F*cking electric!

 2~Balloons
At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son. Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?” Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.” Son: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!